Advent Week 3: Joy and Sorrow. Honoring the Fullness of Our Humanity
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:4-7
Sometimes after the most horrific and tragic events, I’ve heard people say that they choose to “Rejoice in the Lord always” and that even despite the horrific tragedy that occurred, they still have joy. I admire their strength and courage. And I don’t want to minimize their pain and sorrow, nor their deep faith, nor do I want to say, “it’s impossible to feel joy after tragedy” AND I also know that Western Christianity has weaponized Joy and turned it into a litmus test to gauge someone’s faithfulness. Meaning, it wouldn’t surprise me if the toxic positivity embedded in western Christianity makes those who are mourning or grieving a tragedy, feel as if they have to act joyfully and put on a brave face.
Philippians 4:4-7, instead of being verses of encouragement have been twisted into verses of condemnation that some Christians can use to justify toxic positivity and judge those who aren't acting "joyful" enough.
Toxic positivity says: “Does that person really believe in God? Is that person’s faith really firm? If so, they are going to praise God no matter what happens.” And if someone dare expresses an emotion other than joy and gratefulness towards God-their whole faith is called into question. There is a deep suspicion not only in Christian circles but in society at large with sorrow and sadness.
Society at large is obsessed with toxic positivity and the idea that we can control whether good or bad things happen to us, simply by controlling our emotions. Listen, as someone who has struggled to regulate her emotions for decades and is still learning, I know how important it is to not let emotions control your actions to the point where it has devastating consequences in your life. But controlling one’s emotions means being able and willing to experience them. Yet too many people believe that controlling emotions means repressing them. But repressing emotions does not make them go away.
Pretending that you are always joyful and happy, doesn’t make you a more faithful Christian. It only makes you more miserable and it isolates you-from God and from other people. It shuts you off from receiving the potential comfort and understanding that only comes from being honest with yourself and others with how you feel.
I remember hearing repeatedly that Christians should be joyful in order to show “people of the world” what they are missing out on by not “accepting Jesus Christ.” I have also heard the cliche, “there’s a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is temporary and dependent on our outside circumstances. Joy is internal, long-lasting, and it doesn’t matter what happens to us."
Fine, let’s say there is a difference between happiness and joy, that still doesn’t negate the fact that sorrow and sadness are a part of life. That there are plenty of moments where you don’t feel joyful and yet that doesn’t mean you lack faith in God or are being ungrateful. Also, how would pretending to feel joyful all the time encourage people to convert? Most people can see right through such false attempts to manipulate them into joining Christianity.
In addition to the problematic theology regarding conversion, that statement also presents a false picture of humanity and of God.
We are humans. We experience a range of emotions. And life is hard. It is impossible to be joyful and happy all the time. Even the most cheerful person you know, has had moments of deep sorrow. That’s the nature of life. We will experience pain and suffering. Becoming a Christian doesn’t negate that fact.
Moreover, who wants to worship a God that is so out of touch with pain and suffering that the only emotions they accept are happiness and joy? In fact, that God seems antithetical to the God preached by Christians across the theological spectrum. A key part of Christianity is the idea that God intimately knows the pain and sorrow of living because God experienced it via Jesus Christ.
And let me tell you, there are times where Jesus was not joyful. For example, in the garden of Gethsemane when he begs God to “let this cup” pass (Matthew 26:39). Or on the cross when he cries out in agony. Jesus experienced the full range of human emotions and yet he still remained faithful to God.
Isn’t that a lesson for us all? That we can allow ourselves to experience the fullness of our humanity-including sorrow, disappointment, and devastation, and still remain faithful to God?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the adage “You can still praise God in the midst of deep sorrow.” Yes, you can. And I applaud those who do. But I say, you DON’T have to. God understands and honors your pain and suffering no need to add, a “but.” “I’m suffering but I still worship God.” It’s ok to say, “I’m suffering, and I’m angry at God and I have no desire to ‘praise or worship’ God.”
It’s ok to not feel even one ounce of joy or to feel grateful towards God while you are in the midst of suffering. God can handle the full spectrum of our humanity. A god who can’t, and who demands only joy and good feelings, is not a god worth serving.
