August: The god That Leaves
Post number eight in my Taylor Swift "Folklore" and theology series.
Back when we were still changin' for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say, "Meet me behind the mall"
So much for summer love and saying "us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
You weren't mine to lose, no
But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine- Taylor Swift- “August”
August is the second song in a mini-trilogy that also encompasses Cardigan and Betty. Cardigan, the first in the trilogy is written from the perspective of Betty, the one James cheated on.
August is written from the perspective of the girl that James cheated on Betty with. The unnamed girl is reminiscing on the summer love she experienced with James before he left and abandoned her to reconcile with Betty. She is the “other girl” (it’s unclear if she actually knew about Betty and James’ relationship. Probably not) who is left alone.
Her heartbreak is just as real and as valid as Betty’s. and what I appreciate about this trilogy is that the narrator of August is not villainized. It’s so easy to treat the “other girl,” even if she didn’t know about the existing relationship as a heartless villain, whose name isn’t worth mentioning or remembering. But Taylor Swift takes a different route. While the other girl remains unnamed, the song does give voice to her heartbreak and sorrow.
And it’s hard not to feel for this unnamed girl, who is discarded by James and ignored by Betty. Betty as another victim, doesn’t owe the narrator of August anything. She certainly doesn’t owe James anything. But I do think that Betty and the unnamed narrator have a lot in common. And I do sometimes imagine, in this fictional scenario, what would have happened had Betty and this unnamed narrator sought hope and comfort in each other, rather than in the toxic person that harmed them and used them both.
My blog post on Cardigan treats the song as an analogy for a relationship with God but not in the typical cheesy, God is my boyfriend way and I’ve hurt God by “cheating on God” and I need to repent. Instead, I focus on God as the betrayer. The post centers on the ways in which certain depictions of God-namely the god as defined by Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christianity is the one who did us wrong and who needs to repent.
Those of us who have been chewed up and spit out by the Evangelical/Fundamentalist version of god are victims (and survivors). But surprisingly, we aren’t the only victims. See, the god preached by Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christianity not only hurts those of us who were forced out of it, but it continues to destroy those who are unable, for whatever reason to leave.
I think of the Queer Evangelical Christian who knows within the deepest part of their soul that they're Queer and they don’t pretend to be straight but they frame their queerness as a burden and a test to be endured.
They will admit outright they aren’t straight, but they believe that God doesn’t want them to “act on” their queerness. It’s still something to be ashamed of, a sin to be managed. They have internalized the homophobia of Evangelical Christianity and deny themselves and often seek to deny other Queer Christians the ability to be live freely and authentically.
But why would they do this to themselves? Why would they denigrate a key part of themselves and stay within Evangelical Christianity? Why not just leave?
Well because the god of Evangelical Christianity-no matter how cruel and unaffirming, has provided them with a church home. As imperfect and oppressive as Evangelical Christianity can be-they also often foster a mentality of, “it’s us against the world. We are the only ones who will be there for you. We are your true family.” The theology of evangelical/fundamentalist Christianity can be so encompassing that it touches on every aspect of one’s life and leaving that is…difficult.
They don’t recognize that they are in an abusive relationship with the god of fundamentalist/evangelical Christianity. This god-the same god who tells them that their queerness is an abomination, something to be repressed also claims to love them unconditionally. Like the unnamed narrator in August, they view their relationship with this god through rose-tinted glasses.
And yet this god will leave them out in the cold. This god will eventually abandon them like James abandoned this unnamed narrator. In fact, this God already has. This god who views heteronormativity as sacred is unable to love them.
This god and unaffirming fundamentalist/evangelical Christianity, in general, uses queer Christians who are unable or unwilling to affirm their queerness to spread a toxic harmful theology and then forsakes them. This god oppresses and leaves them, but for whatever reason, they are stuck worshiping this cruel god. A god they gave up everything for and yet who can never truly love them.
The god of evangelical/fundamentalist Christianity is like James in Taylor Swift’s trilogy. This god, like James uses people, makes them feel worthless and unimportant, and is unable to truly love.
