Day 9: Praying to the Cosmic Santa Claus
#RethinkChurch is doing a 22-day journey for self-reflection based on John Wesley’s 22 questions. I will be trying to compose short blog posts addressing each question. I am using these posts to encourage Christians, especially Progressive and Mainline Christians to reflect deeply on what it means to be Church in a world marred by oppression and violence.
Day 9: Am I enjoying prayer?
In order to answer the question, “Am I enjoying prayer?” I first need to ask myself, “what is the purpose of prayer?” In popular expressions of Christianity, prayer is asking God, who acts like a Cosmic Santa Clause for what we want. Sometimes God/Santa Clause says “yes,” and gives us what we want, sometimes God says, “maybe/not now,” in other cases God says, “no” and occasionally, God substitutes our request for something better.
The reasons behind God’s responses vary: perhaps what we request is actually not part of God’s will for us, perhaps God has something better planned for us, or maybe it is our fault when our prayers go unanswered or we are given a “no.” Maybe we did not pray hard enough, or we prayed to God in the “wrong spirit” (whatever that means) or our request was “selfish.”
Viewing prayer like this, is in my opinion super stressful. If I make a request, I feel the pressure to make sure I am asking in the “correct spirit,” that I am asking with enough faith to demonstrate that I am worthy. If my prayer is not answered or I don’t get the result I want, I am left to agonize over the reasons why. Is it because I did not demonstrate enough faith? Did I ask for the “wrong” thing? Was it not in God’s plans?
When I understand prayer as a way to only ask God for what I want, then no, I do not enjoy it and try to avoid it. Now, however, I’ve tried to conceive of prayer as another way of staying in touch with a loving God. I pray while doing the most mundane things: while shopping, while walking from one class to another. And my prayers focus on having my eyes opened to the ways in which God works in the world and makes God’s presence known.
Do I still make requests of God? Yes. Even though I no longer believe God is a cosmic Santa Clause bestowing gifts on those who are “good” and ignoring or punishing those who are “bad,” there are moments where I can’t help but make requests, predominately out of desperation. When a loved one is sick or dying, I still find myself begging for some miracle.
When I or a loved one are in pain or suffering, I still beg for some sort of divine intervention. I still demand clarity when things are confusing and I feel lost. I haven’t completely moved away from a, “hey God, can you do this for me conception of prayer.” Nevertheless, moving away from prayer as predominately request based has enabled me to enjoy it much more.
I feel empowered to talk to God about anything at any time. I use prayer as a form of mindfulness, where I can focus and mediate on what God is doing in my life now. Prayer becomes a way of helping me appreciate the world. Before prayer was a way to try and control the future. “God if you could do this…if you could do that…” and in many ways that only left me more anxious as I waited to see if cosmic Santa Clause would do what I ask. But now, I try to view prayer as a way to stay in the here and now and to notice the beauty and hope all around me.
Day 1: Illusions of Perfection
Day 2: The Dangers of Embellishment
Day 3: Loose Lips Sink Ships or Silence Kills?
Day 5: The Oppression of Professionalism