Introduction to Advent 2021

Advent is both my favorite and least favorite time of the year. On the one hand, I love the theology behind advent. The time of darkness and expectation, the combination of hopelessness and hope. Holding onto God’s promises while also acknowledging that God’s promises have yet to be fulfilled. It’s a time of patience and impatience. I also love how some people go all out on holiday decorations. I love the hanging lights and Christmas decorations.

However, it’s also my least favorite time of the year. I hate how some Christians have used this time  to further marginalize people of different faiths or no faiths by wanting to maintain Christian supremacy. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, let alone advent, and that’s ok. The whole idea of a war on Christmas is just bullshit. Wishing someone a “happy holiday” rather than a “Merry Christmas” is not evidence of Christian persecution.

I love the busyness of this holiday season (especially if I don’t have to be the one planning or hosting said events). I love the variety of church and secular christmasy events-both in person and online. I can decide how busy or not, I want to be.

But I also hate the constant reminders of how I don’t fit it. I understand, intellectually at least, I am not the only one that struggles during the holiday season. I know, intellectually, that this time period is filled with stress for many people-from the parents struggling to afford both food and a decent holiday for their children, to the individuals mourning the deaths of loved ones, to those whose holiday season is filled with long hours at work and short pay. I know that sometimes the magic of this season is due to good old-fashioned marketing and capitalism.

And yet it’s hard not to feel isolated and lonely. This time of season reminds me of the childhood I never had instead of love and acceptance, neglect and emotional abuse. Instead of fun times with family members and friends, many years of my childhood and into my adulthood was spent alone. In fact, I’m so used to spending time alone on major holidays, that now it feels like an imposition when someone wants to hang out. Yes, let’s hang out the days leading up to Christmas, but the actual day? Let me just lay in bed and sleep all day.  And seeing how much fun other people are having (or pretending to have) makes me feel guilty that I am not enjoying myself.

In other words, my relationship to advent, like my relationship to most things, is complicated. It is a time of great joy and promise and expectation but also crushing isolation, depression, and hopelessness. It is a time of great joy and great sadness. And as someone who struggles with understanding that more than one thing can be true at the same time, it can make for a season filled with incredible highs and deep lows.

So this year, I have decided to explore more deeply the highs and lows of advent. Yes, advent signifies Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. But for many of us it also has a twinge of despair, discord, hate, and sorrow. And those emotions should be honored and acknowledged alongside the more hopeful and joyous aspects of the season.